Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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