we have pet lesbian snakes
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
