I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
