Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
