I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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