I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
