FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
