I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
