my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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