do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
