There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
