never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
