there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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