i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize