I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
