i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
