dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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