Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
