All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
