did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Are we still banned from the library?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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