I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
