the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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