i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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