we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
