He asked to "fluff my boner.."
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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