When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
