Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
