barbara walters just said penis...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
