Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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