I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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