like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
