It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
