THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
