we're chasing vodka with high fives
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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