I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
