My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
