Kiss
Puke
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
