hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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