She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
smell my finger.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
