I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
