The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
