Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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