uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize