i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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