So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
