ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
