im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
