The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
