Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
