Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I had to cum in my sink.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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