Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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