end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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