HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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