Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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