he shaved USA in his pubs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
