youre lurking in front of me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
