the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize