Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
