the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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