I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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