This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
