She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
