I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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