So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize