So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
