my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
