So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
