His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Acid is not a monday night drug
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
