so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
