I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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