Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
