I wish you could order shots online.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
