I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize