He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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