I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
