can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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