Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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