my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
