people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
