margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
