Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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