Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
