another moral hangover. fuck.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
