Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize