Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
