6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
