Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
