It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize