so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
