$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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