hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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