Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
