Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
