Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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