You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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