just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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