OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize