dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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